Offset two years worth of flatulence!

Offset your farts .... mate.

Yes, folks it’s true. You can now show someone dear to you just how much you love them, in true Aussie style. Send them a carbon offset card to deal with their next two years of farting. Don’t believe me? Pull my finger! If you don’t love anyone except your cat, you can send them one too. šŸ™‚


This entry was posted in Carbon trading, Climate change, Education, General, Humour, People, Pollution. Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Offset two years worth of flatulence!

  1. the Grit says:

    From now on, “pull my finger,” is how I will greet all environmentalists. Oh, to meet Al Gore in person.

    the Grit

  2. Dave On Fire says:

    Well it’s certainly timely. Mother’s Day is coming up, and my Mum grew up in Australia and still finds farting hilarious.

    On the other hand, I’m always suspicious of carbon offsets. Buying them with anything but the strictest scrutiny buys you a clean conscience without having actually changed a thing.

    The “Easy Being Green” scheme you linked to pays for homes and businesses to install water- and electricity- efficient fixtures. The effects of this seem to be more reliably quantifiable than sketchy reforestation dealies, yet I can’t help but doubt some of their claims. For example:

    Once installed, these 500,000 packs [of energy-efficient lightbulbs and water-efficient showerheads] will have the same pollution-saving benefits as taking over 150,000 cars off the road for one year.

    Really?? Nevertheless, they seem to tick all the right boxes as far as I can tell. Unless anyone with patience to research further tells me otherwise, I’ll probably be going for this.

  3. matt says:

    Hey Grit. Happy ta pull ya finger … just as long as the resulting gas is bagged, buried & certified šŸ˜‰

    Dave. I have to agree with you about this company. They seem ligit. What interests me though is this;

    ‘Example of an Easy Being Green market solution.

    Easy Being Green distributed Climate Saver Packs containing six energy-efficient light globes and a water saving showerhead to NSW households under the NSW Greenhouse Gas Abatement Scheme. The energy savings created by the installation of these items was assigned by the householder to Easy Being Green and traded as NSW greenhouse abatement certificates (NGACs).’

    I’ll be looking to learn more on the finer details of how these markets really work. Looks to me as though this company is assigned a certain number of carbon credits per pack signed for by a NSW resident (but at what unit price?). EBG then looks for profit by selling at a higher unit price on the NSW Greenhouse Gas Abatement market …. is how I’m seeing it at the moment!

  4. Pete Smith says:

    What is it with this “Pull my finger” business? Michael Caine kept saying it in “Children of Men” and the joke (?) was wasted on me.

  5. matt says:

    You must have been locked up under the stairs during your childhood Pete!

    ‘Pull my finger’ = person with finger pulled letting off a fart. Simple really!

  6. earthpal says:

    Lol. My husband does that finger-pulling thing to the kids all the time. He used to do it to me but I don’t fall for it anymore.

    Regarding the Climate Saver packs…Canada has recently announced its ecoENERGY Retrofit programmes. Grants were previously available for people to have their homes retrofitted but this is ending shortly and being replaced with the ecoENERGY programme.

    The Uk government should implement reward and incentive schemes for people here to retrofit their buildings, whether domestic or commercial.

    Unless I’m not up-to-date, the government seems to be concentrating it’s energy efficiency eco-policies on new-builds but all exisiting homes should be included and retrofit with energy-efficient resources. And the government should provide grants and financial help for people on a tight budget. Standards should also apply to landlords.

  7. Pete Smith says:

    You must have been locked up under the stairs during your childhood Pete!

    In my childhood there was no such thing as farting, it was one of those unmentionables that everyone knew about but never talked about.

    No, seriously, where did this come from? As far as I’m concerned it’s just appeared out of the blue.

  8. matt says:

    Tbh, no idea. Probably an Aussie cultural thing. Or one of those American movies. Do ya wanna research it? I don’t!

  9. matt says:

    Hi earthpal,

    All I know is that the UK govt offers grants to people on benefits to have their home insulated. They ‘encourage’ landlords to improve their homes for let as well. More should be done though.

  10. the Grit says:

    Hi matt,

    I don’t trust the low energy bulbs. They contain mercury in high enough amounts to require special cleanup procedures if broken. If they become popular, cleaning up our landfills is going to be very expensive in the next decade or two. Besides, they don’t give off enough light, and, turning them on and off frequently lowers their life span to the point where they are not cost effective. As to water saving shower heads, I suspect that having more stinky people will cause more problems than it solves.

    the Grit

  11. matt says:

    Agree that they don’t give off enough light. Ironically I also find the light they give off too harsh. Prefer the yellow hue of our trusty old bulbs. Thing is though, these low energy bulbs go on for ever and ever, so they are excellent for the outside security light.

  12. earthpal says:

    Re. the mercury in the low energy light bulbs…the benefits far outweigh the very limited risks. The mercury levels are low and all that’s needed is an appropriate and responsible waste collection and recycling of the collected mercury from the flourescent tubes.

    Altogether reusable thus sustainable.

    And it’s worth mentioning that the mercury produced from power stations which in turn powers the incandescent light bulbs is a lot higher.

  13. Dave On Fire says:

    Agreed, efficient lightbulbs and showerheads do reduce pollution.

    However, this scheme is nevertheless a meaningless sham. Australia is about to ban the sale of incandescent light bulbs. Since they don’t have that long an operational lifetime, this means that the vast majority of Australians will soon have upgraded to energy-saving bulbs anyway.

    Money spent on a change that will happen anyway does not constitute an offset. Offsetting requires making a difference.

    Sorry. Off to find new fart offsets…

  14. matt says:

    Noticed The Guardian advertising on TV their Formula One new season supplement coming out this weekend. What a thoroughly responsible paper. They certainly smell (of desperation). šŸ™‚

  15. matt says:

    From an article reporting on last weeks EU agreement;

    ‘The leaders agreed to ask the EU’s executive arm to work out a plan to promote energy-saving light bulbs, following the example of Australia, Chile and other countries phasing out incandescent lamps.

    “We are not saying they should throw out all bulbs in their house today, but everybody should start thinking about what’s in the shops,” Angela Merkel said.

    “Most of the bulbs in my flat are energy-saving bulbs,” she said – but acknowledged that “they’re not quite bright enough, so sometimes when I’m looking for something that’s dropped on the carpet, I have a bit of a problem.”

    ……..Poor dear. So much then for the energy saving lightbulb agenda!

  16. Pete Smith says:

    Well, Ms Merkel isn’t wrong. The low energy bulbs are OK (but no more than that) for background lighting and helpng you avoid walking into things. If you can find them, I would recommend going for the 20W model, which is supposedly equivalent to a 100W incandescent bulb but like its smaller cousins gives a dimmer light. These equivalences are pretty rough and ready anyway; if 20W=100W, then 11W should equal 55W, not 60.
    Some serious thinking required before the phase-out begins. Whats the shelf life on incandescent bulbs? I’m going to stock up now.

  17. matt says:

    > Iā€™m going to stock up now.

    You naughty boy.

    (Can you get me some too!)

  18. Pete Smith says:

    You heard it here first, panic buying starts now. Best lay up some honey too, before Colony Collapse Disorder decimates the UK’s bees as it has done in the US. Now I know honey keeps for ever.

  19. matt says:

    Eh, Colony Collapse Disorder. What’s that? Sounds like it’s worth a blog all its own.

  20. matt says:

    CCD sounds like one of those American made up terms. The phenomenon it summarises however looks to be very serious in deed.

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