Apple’s new ‘Personal Environment Device’.

It has been hailed as the greatest product since the bicycle allowed wealthy Victorians to venture freely out into the pollution free country side. The PED or Personal Environment Device is so clever it even has tech reviewers dumb founded.

The PED allows the wearer to go about their day without a care in the world. With consumers experiencing increasing anxiety over environmental issues; what to wear, what to eat, how to get from A to B without impacting on the planet, this device sweeps those concerns away.

This amazing technology has over 600 patents registered. It utilizes contact lenses, wireless technology and the latest in slimline consumer electronics. The brilliance in the software is that its open source so everyone can contribute to the image bank.

Say for example someone is fed up with driving their car and seeing the tail pipe emissions coming from theirs and others cars. No problem, just download an image of a vehicle that doesn’t have its motor running to the slimline device, which attaches to your belt as you go about your daily business. Once powered up your device sends that image to your wireless contact lenses each time you see a car. Smoke free car, guilt free driving!

Paddy Hashdown of Techrite magazine says ‘it’s simply the most amazing device he’s every reviewed’.

‘The applications are endless’, says Jimmy Cricket, CEO of Green Apple Inc, a subsidiary of its parent. ‘When shopping at your supermarket you can also deal with that guilt about food miles’ he enthuses. ‘The PED will tell you your fruit & veg come from this green and pleasant land, all local produce, once again by overlaying an image to your wireless lenses carefully selected and downloaded to your Personal Environment Device.

Cricket says the funding for the device has come from private equity in Dubai due to a lack of capital in America during the current credit crunch. The device, designed in Silicon Valley, will be manufactured in India and should be launched with great fanfare at a Regent Street store in time for Christmas.

Cricket says he has even had an approach from a go-between for the church of England who are concerned about falling church attendance. The idea is to develop a GOD version or God Only Device allowing consumers to get their religious experience from the church without having to leave the comfort of their own homes. The church will then be free to sell off much of their property portfolio to housing developers, meeting demand for the UK government’s new 3 million homes target.

You can see the potential for the PED is enormous and why the city has enthusiastically backed this venture whilst suffering doom and gloom elsewhere. It’s no wonder back up orders have already reached 1.2 million. Fear not fellow carbon consumers, your souls are now safe!

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2 Responses to Apple’s new ‘Personal Environment Device’.

  1. suburbanlife says:

    Matt- surely this is a joke? This sounds like an electronic version of Huxley’s Soma, or is virtual prozac. Thanks but no thanks. G

  2. matt says:

    Sounds impossible doesn’t it!

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